He Sought Us Not Us Him

Have you met anyone lately that says they love God but is waiting for a good time to serve him? I had conversation recently with someone whom, all but hinted that if their demise was at hand, only wanted a moment to repent in prayer before they died. I have thought about this and upon reflection I recalled my fifth grade Religious Knowledge class.

It was at St. Vincent de Paul, my Religious instructor was Miss Koff from Wales. I remembered studying the Gospels and one day we came to the Crucifixion of Christ. I did not understand the brevity of the sacrifice. The only thing I understood was that an innocent man had died and there was no one around to help him. After, the class had ended, I was overcome with grief and began to cry because I was secretly wishing that I was born back then so that I could at least try to save him (did I mention that I was an avid daydreamer). I remembered just crying because of this. When my teacher asked why I was crying I felt ashamed. I wouldn't tell her what was wrong. After all, no one in the class seemed to be bothered by the story that was read. As she pressed, I lied by telling her that my best friend at the time was not speaking to me.

I did not know at the time that I was under the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Later on and for some time I attended church services where the word of God was expounded but I never felt the urge that I felt in fifth grade. It was not until I was getting ready to graduate from high school that the Spirit of God drew me.  It was a hot afternoon after school my friends and I were headed to our favorite hangout, Burger King. Everyone saved their lunch money and went there to sit in the cool air condition to eat. Oddly enough, when my friends saw my ex-boyfriend and a few of his friends coming our way, they ran away (this was a time of great revival at our high school and most of the bad boys were now Christians). I don't know why I didn't run, but at this time in my life, I was defiant and ran from no one whether it be for good or evil. They came to me and told me that Jesus loved me.

This is all they said or I allowed them to say before I walked away. I did not go to hang out as planned, I just began my slow walk home. This time I did not cry I just kept walking as if I just needed to get to shelter. This was strange because my home had never really been a shelter for me. I thought about all the revenge I would never be able to carry out. Really this was heart breaking because I have been planning for months. I was a person of retribution so to speak. But The penalty of my sins now played in my heart which left me sober as I walked home in a daze.

When I arrived at home I removed my backpack and prayed to the Lord. I don't know how I knew how to do this or where the words came from, but I assumed all the religious classes I had, and being forced on Sundays to read the Bible by my parents, brought all those words to life.

My friends, the greatest delusion of today is that people think they are greater than they really are. This overweening confidence in ourselves have made us blind. We cannot decide on our own when we want to come to God. The natural man has no capacity for righteousness. God gave Jesus for us when we were lost in sin. How sobering it is to remember our plight and his deliverances. Blessed be the Holy Name of God.