Mourning and Memories

My husband's mother recently passed away. He was by her side as she drew her last breath. For me I find it too scary to see someone's breath leave their body although I believe in Christ. I had mixed emotions about her passing. She has been suffering from dementia for some years and the disease took its course. Honestly I was praying for her to live. I do believe in miracles, but the most important miracle I prayed for was for a moment of clarity where she can receive the true gospel.

My mother-in-law was a Jehovah's Witness. Last year, when we visited her, I tried to talk to her about the Jesus but it was hard. Her memory was not intact, and I thought it would be a good time to witness to her because she wouldn't remember that she holds to another faith. Boy was I wrong! Even though, she constantly asked me my name and lost track of our conversation, she would start her sentences by saying, "You know I'm a witness."

These and other memories brings sadness for my husband because he was raised a 'Witness' but was ostracized when he walked away from them. Many of his family members refused to speak to him. I cannot even begin to tell you about how many funerals over the past two years where he was treated so badly. But the one that stood out more stark and disturbing was when his sister passed, after struggling so many years from cancer, the officiator told my husband he should not have shook his hand or speak to him because he betrayed his faith.

There is no joy when your loved ones are still in darkness. To elevate the sadness I now realize there are no uturns. I knew this but it's more clear, there are no more 'do overs' after death. In addition, our daughter will not know her grandmother; No memories will become from those two. I know that death does not really bring finality: our souls continue with Christ or eternal damnation. And I guess this is hard for me because I know the turmoil my husband feels.

In all things give thanks. I don't know what transpired in my mother-in-laws heart after our conversation last year. Her moment of clarity may have come. I am not all knowing or seeing (which is a good thing). Truly I can say that I am grateful that God has drawn me by his Spirit. If I should breathe my last breath today, my daughter can be confident she will see me again because of the work of Christ I trust in.